Dear world, please mind this pause and the longer one to come

My family has swallowed me up. My time on the computer becomes less and less every day. I am so grateful for the two small babes in my life, but they have eaten me up. My days are filled with diapers, laundry, b00bs, meal planning and lately, snow. And while I know how fortunate I am, these days are also tough. My little man is a bundle of two-year-old-ness. The unfortunate timing of his sisters birth means he is hitting some behavioral bumps at the very moment that I have less of me to give him.

In an effort to oust all those perfect mommy bloggers out there--- our house is mostly ok, but often is crazytown. My little man has come upon the hitting phase, which I was sure he'd never do;) But alas, now that there is a sibling to hit--- he is hitting. I spend my days trying helplessly to protect my infant daughter from her very active, very jealous two year old brother. There seems not a solution in sight. I have read books, asked parents and friends, etc. No one seems to have a good answer and no one seems to remember there own children in this phase. I hope it will pass, and that for me it too will fade into the distance. But for now, I am navigating some unchartered territories. I am happy for many reasons, but sometimes sad that I do not have the time to bask in my new little girls beauty. I suppose we all get to enjoy a relationship with our first that we never have again with the second, third or fourth. Oh the joys of birth order. May each of my little ones benefit from their own position in our family.

It is unrealistic for me to assume I can still use this blog. While we are unsure if our baby-making adventures are through, I do believe that for those of you coming here with a new MA diagnosis-- I have written everything I can here that might be useful to you. If you are here because you were told you have a bicornuate uterus or a uterine septum-- read on. You can find out about my diagnosis, miscarriages and later pregnancies (with complications.) I hope this remains a useful place. But I don't want it to be a parenting blog-- or a place I come to moan about the stresses of motherhood.

For those of you have become my dearest virtual friends over the years-- drop me a line by email or find me on faceb00k. You know who you are;)

Thank you blogosphere for keeping me sane.

Some pics

She's here!

EJ was born safely yesterday at 7:19 pm after a fast and insane labor. She is doing great. Will post pics soon. Xo

Waiting, working, waiting, working....

I am a sewing / making machine. I keep thinking if I finish that one last project I wanted to get done I will finally go into labor. It is not working, though I have yet to run out of projects. Here is what got done so far:
Curtains for DPB's room
Curtains for our room
Curtains for baby girls room
Curtains for the bathroom
3 crib sheets made
About a zillion burb clothes made
Lots of tiny paintings made for xmas gifts and otherwise
DH's b-day gift made
Apron made for Grammy's xmas gift
Many small stuffed things started for little people for xmas
Garland for Baby girl homecoming
Tissue paper flowers for baby girl's room
"Welcome Home" banner drawn on new kitchen chalk board
New throw pillows for the couch

I think that is it. But there is still more I'd like to do, just not sure how much of a mess I want to leave the house in.

Freaking come already little one! We R ready!

False starts and a little progress

Here are the stats:
38+6
Weight gain in last 2 weeks = 0
3-4 cm dilated
90% effaced
Baby at -1 Station
*Progress, at least.

Yesterday I contracted, pretty strongly, all day-- with the majority of the activity from 2-7 pm. Then it all stopped. Based on the changes to my cervix, I'll chalk it up to a slow start and just be grateful that means I don't have to start from nothing when I finally do go into labor.

37+4 Post stitch removal

So the stitch removal was pretty fine. I can't say it was fun, but it was more uncomfortable than painful and it was over super quick. My doctor is awesome. He just always seems to know what he is doing-- as I suppose a doctor should. But after you have dealt with so many moron's it is just so nice to see some competent people on a regular basis.

So the stitch came out. I bled on and off for the next 12 hours -- but very minor. And that was the end of it. After he took it out he checked my cervix. I was 2 cm dilated, 50% effaced and at station 2 - which if I understand that right, she is pretty low. Today, 4 days post stitch removal, I lost my mucus plug. Sorry if that is gross, but it just is. I have been contracting a lot. Some painful, but mostly in the evening when I am tired.

We lined up a doula to attend the birth. She was at our son's birth too, so it is really nice to have a familiar and even more experience face to see us through the process. I'd like to try to make it through unmedicated, but am willing to go with meds if I have to. Last time, I went for the epidural after I barfed hysterically for hours - between each contraction. It was exhausting. So I am also going to see about an anti-nausea med upon arrival to get out ahead of that. I just want it over... faster....

So now we just wait. I have been busy making curtains and stocking the freezer. There is still a lot I *could* do, but we have decided to get started on xmas gifts since we hope to make a lot of them and having a newborn and toddler will make that even harder this year. We'll see.

So check in every few days. I'm hoping I have less than 2 weeks!

35 weeks

Everything continues to be pretty uneventful. I saw my OB yesterday. Everything there is cool. My contractions are pretty non-existent. Baby is very active, more-so than I prefer;) Sleep is scant and life is generally good.

We are in the process of lining up a volunteer doula to see us through the birth. There is a great organization in my city that provides doulas-in-training to those who can not afford to hire one. So the doula gets to experience a birth and practice their skills and we get another person in the room to lean on. It is a pretty good deal.

During my son's birth I ended up with an epidural somewhere around 7-8 cm. It was mostly because I was vomiting like crazy. Contract, vomit, contract, vomit. I couldn't get a handle on it, and I couldn't breath. So I am going to talk to my OB to see if I can have some z.o.f.r.a.n, or the like, to try to prevent the barfing before it start and possibly spare me the epidural. I had a vaginal birth anyhow-- which I am very grateful for-- but I would love to do it unmedicated this time. We'll see. What will be will be. I am not the type to get upset about my birth experience as long as everyone is safe in the end. Oh, but I'd also like to skip the episiotomy this time. It sure sped things up, but made the healing harder.

I am scheduled to have my stitch removed on Nov 3rd. I was told I *may* have some cramping and discomfort with that. I hope it goes smoothly. I'll be 37 + 2, and thinking I'll last another 2 weeks. I delivered my son at 39 and hope for the same with this one.

Dang this blog is boring. Boring is good. If you need excitement, you'll have to back up nearly 2 years to the day. This pregnancy has just been so different. In a good way.

A lonely spill.

We are 33 weeks tomorrow. Incredible really. I have no restrictions! I am even allowed to have sex (but don't tell my DH that;) As a result I am probably pressing my luck a bit. I have been a maniac - cleaning, painting, cooking, lifting, etc. My mom was here for the weekend helping me sew a new slip cover for our wretchedly old and gross couch. I pushed it.

DH is out of town for nearly two weeks, so after my mom's visit I was exhausted. My back ached from sewing and cooking all weekend. I was just zonked. The boy went to bed easy and I headed downstairs to catch up on my TV programs. As I reached the bottom of the steps I biffed it. My socked feet slipped from under me and I bumped down the remaining three stairs on ass and hands. It wasn't a bad fall, but enough to shake me up. I sat there for a minute, all pathetic-like and cried a little. What else is a girl to do?

I woke up this morning with a pink coloration to my normal discharge (sorry if TMI.) It is not that uncommon for me, especially after a BM (again, sorry if TMI.) I think my stitch just gets a little irritated. I am just keeping an eye on it and ready to call my OB if it worsens. I also called my the MIL to come get the boy for the day so I can just rest.

I fell in my last pregnancy. I guess it is pretty normal. Just you just feel so stupid, and pathetic, and stupid. Ugh.

Here to one more week. Soon I'll be scheduling the removal of my stitch! I can't believe it.

Hello world & it is all still so muddy.

Everything is calm here on the pregnancy front. I am approaching 29 weeks and still standing!

And while, don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to be up and about, the last few weeks have thrown my diagnosis into muddy territory. Last time around I started contracting around 20 weeks. Those contractions, while sometimes regular, were rarely painful. My cervix shortened dramatically at 23.5 weeks and I was hospitalized.

The assumption has always been that I have incompetent cervix (IC) and Preterm Labor (PTL). But with a preventative cerclage and weekly progesterone shots, I seem to be avoiding both-- to a certain extent. I do have runs of contractions, which are really just a reminder to drink water and rest. They never get real regular and are only occassionally strong enough to make me uncomfortable. And as for the shortening, I dipped from 3.9 to 2.7 at 25 weeks-- but it has held up since then. So what do I have?

I guess in the end it doesn't really matter. What matters is that I am still pregnant and still able to chase my awesome little toddler around. But I am frustrated with the fact that this muddy diagnosis continues to fail to convince the stupid insurance company that these measures are necessary to keep me safely pregnant. There is no code for. "generally misbehaving cervix." That seems to be the best way to describe what I have.

Whatever. Wish me luck in the homestretch. Things could still get hairy, but I feel better everyday about how far along we have already come;)

27+3 - all is good.

It has been 2 weeks since my cervical length dropped and I spent the day in triage. It has been really quiet. Not that my cervix would grace me with a PSA on its activities...

I had my last u/s at the 2 week interval. I don't go back for a month. Amazingly, I measure 3.0! I am just in shock and feel like I just won my freedom! I know I still have to take it easy, and the shit could still hit the fan, but I think the chances are quite good that I may stand up for this whole pregnancy. It really just means that I am going to have to buy some fall/winter maternity cloths that aren't sweats;) Kind of a bummer since we are on a tight budget, but whatever.

I might just be one of the luckiest ladies on the planet. So. Freaking. Awesome.