I Measure My Miscarriages in Bricks

This is a very strange correlation that just revealed itself to me as i was browsing through my photos. After my first miscarriage I feverishly build this brick patio in our backyard to distract myself (yep, I'm a real hard-ass.) My acupuncturist told me to "take it easy" but hauling these bricks around seemed to be the only thing that settled me. It is my most distinct memory from the time of that loss.


In late August, during my second pregnancy, I was told by my RE during an ultrasound that there was no heartbeat. J. came to pick me up. We drove half a block and pulled over. I absolutely sobbed on his shoulder. It was that wrenching, hysterical, can't catch your breath kind of sob. When I occasionally opened my watery eyes, I was looking straight at the image below-- the stacked, but porous wall of a parking garage. It is my most distinct memory from that time.


So I guess you can say I measure my losses in bricks. Hopefully, I'll never have to do it again.