Still alive, kinda...

I don't get sick very often. I save myself for high-drama medical events. But Saturday night I woke up with a terrible sore throat. I hoped it was an allergy, but alas, I spiked a fever about an hour ago and my nose is running like a faucet. I am worried about the boy, worried that I have spread my nasty funk to him. To make matters worse, it has been stupid hot here for days. We're talking well into the 90's... What up global warming!

So DH is upstairs attempting to put the boy down with a bottle of b00by milk. I think it was going well, and them I heard the crib rail fall. Damn thing, when we either of us ever get the hang of it.

Anyhow. I hope he sleeps, because i am just hot, inside and out. And to have his sweaty little body against me is just too much. I need to be well, so I can take care of his cute little butt!

So I did something bad. I started reading this damn book on sleep habits. Ya know, people lived for millions of years with out these little baby guides. But I was a little worried that the boy was not getting enough zzzzz's. His bedtime was getting later and later, and he was waking up later and later, which I hate. So I am holding to it. At least making concerted attempts at 2 solid naps a day. One in the morning, one in the afternoon - and crib only! It seems to be going really well. On the first day his bedtime bumped up to 8pm and wake time to 7am! I am siked. and while everyday will not be perfect, we are making strides.

Did I tell you how much I hate, I dread, I loath the heat? Anything about 70 degrees ad I get pretty cranky. Anything in the 90's and well, you don't want to be near me. It is a constant stream of abscenities and complaints..... Please!!! Make this shitty, swampy-ass, summer-like crap go away!

Laughs Hysterically

Dr. Sears said this would happen...

The plight of the b00b

I love nursing. In fact, the thought of giving it up already makes me a little sad. It is such a special time with my little dood. And I love the slowness of it...

But lately, it is making me exhausted. This week baby D. is feeling pretty mama-centric. I get home either at 5pm or 8pm - and no matter which, he literally wants to nurse from then on till bedtime. It is like literally having the life sucked out of me. I find a few minutes to eat some super, nurse some more and then have to eat again! It has gotten to be a little much.

And to top it off, he takes A LOT of breast milk from the bottle. Today, while I was at work for a mere 5 hours, he consumed 11 ounces of breast milk! I don't even make that much in 5 hours! I think it is just that he eat more from the bottle than the breast. But the thing is that my stock is dwindling. I am not even sure why I am freezing it when it gets thawed a day or two later. And waking up at 5 am to pump is not fun either! I don't want to introduce formula, so if anyone has recommendations for a lady with a piggy for a baby - let me know.

After my 5am pump last night I lay in bed unable to get back to sleep. I started worrying about if I could have another. Will my uterus abide? Will it be misbehavin? Will preventitive measures do the trick? Its too early to really think about it... but....

Hello world

I miss you.

Post Baby Body

Recovering from bedrest sucks. This is now the second time that I have thrown out my back since D. was born. It it terribly painful. I can barely walk. The chiropractor helped. At least he stretched me out enough so i could walk on my own. I swore I would never eat another meal in bed...... arg.

As for the remaining commentary on my post-pregnancy bod...

I think the average woman would probably reach through the internet to strangle me for saying this, but... I think I need to loose some weight, er something. I have never been someone who thinks a whole lot about my figure. I suppose that is because I have been pretty fortunate. I am of a medium build. I have been blessed with a flat tummy and a slender waist. I have an average sized chest and a big round booty, both of which I have been quite satisfied with.

I had trouble gaining weight during my pregnancy. But in the last 2-3 weeks I really packed it on. Breast feeding was a god-send, helping to peel the pounds off pretty quick. I don't know if I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But I do know that compared to some I have been really lucky. My boobs are still pretty huge, despite having shrunk a bit since I gave birth.

But I am sick of wearing ill-fitting maternity shirts. I am also sick of wearing the tight shirts that I used to wear. I am comfortable in neither. Shirts are complicated because they have to work for nursing. It's also nice if they don't get stretched out throughout the day on account of being hiked up all of the time. The boobs and the clothing dilemmas they create are managable.

It is the jeans that are driving me nuts. I don't look bigger, but I feel bigger. I suspect my hips widened during pregnancy and that is the culprit. Buying jeans is never fun, but I feel like now when I try things on I am inside of a totally different body. Nothing fits right and nothing looks good. I feel frumpy, dumpy and gross. I wear the same jeans ever day cuz they are the only ones that even look ok. My favorite jeans from last year, while they fit, are really uncomfortable in the hips and waist.

I just feel like I am trapped in a strangers body. And when I look in the mirror I see a "mom" with a mom-body.... and I hate it. I always felt a little frisky and hot before. Not that I had the greatest body, but I was curvy and cute. Now I feel drippy, saggy, stretchy and loose. Yes, I know, exercise! But I hate exercising and have never had to before..... Arg. Poor me, right.

Go ahead.
Try to smack me from the other side of the interweb.
I deserve it.

Bligggggity blog

What to do on this very late night
but write on my blog for a bit despite
i am so tired and drained to the bone
cuz the boy has been hanging on my boob since i got home.

the rhythm of this poem has got me down
i decided not to edit even if it makes me frown
it seems best now to mention a few internet friends
some who are triggering and some on the mend

G's ovaries are doing a super job
I am so happy for them I think I might sob.
And Brynn has discovered she loves to nurse
and well, Sara her mom is a nurse!?! (not funny, or rhyming)

And I am happy to say
that I am being so brave
I have bought a ticket on a big ol' airplane
to see my bestest friend
who lives on the the other side of the country.
No drugs to sedate me
cuz i am feeding the boy
i have stopped rhyming all together
cuz i am loosing my mind.

blah blah blah

If you are still reading you are some kind of blogger champ. or just have too much time on your hands. This is where i distract you with pictures of my spawn. Who I love so much that I could just eat him....

Constant changes

I keep thinking I will write these things down somewhere. But here is still the best place since I have grand plans to bind a babybook but have yet to do it...

End of week 9:
Sucking his thumb
Holding and shaking the rattle
Trying to roll from back to side
Smiles are getting even bigger and more frequent
Better head control but still bobbles
Growing back the hair on the top of his head
Loosing the hair in the back
Stinky farts! (what did I eat?)

The thumbsucking, while I am unsure of how I feel about it, has been a life saver. He can now put himself back to sleep without us having to get up to put the nuk in. So he is only waking at 2am and 6 am for feedings. And sometimes he skips the 6 am. My b00bs feel like they might explode by morning. But we are all enjoying hours of uninterrupted sleep - which is lovely.

I got some patterns for some overalls. I just need to run out for fabric this week. We found that one pieces are much better with the cloth diapers. Pants look uncomfortable... So I am hoping to get more sewing done this weekend:)

More distractions....

Making stuff

I have finally been getting some sewing done. I have been working on some birthday presents, but mainly, I have been altering baby D's clothes. I am a picky mom. I hate little puppies, dinosaurs and the like, plastered all over his clothes. I hate most plaids and love anything striped. So I have been cutting off all the dippy little characters from his clothes and making patches for them. DH has been working on them too:) Here is a sample.

I also just made a foot stool. I always use a foot stool while breastfeeding. I use the term "foot stool" lightly, since my foot stool since D was born has been an old, wooden clementine container. It is fine if I am wearing my slipers, but hurts with just socks. Today I spotted an old piece of foam in the basement and thought it would be good for padding. Then my mom gave me some cool fabric. So I covered the clementine box... Here it is...


Other baby D updates...
He has figured out how to get his hands in his mouth... Very exciting. Here he is sucking on his fist whilst looking at his own picture on Facebook!

And his most favorite thing in the world, right now at least, is to hang out in his crib and swat at his mobile. Hours of entertainment!

My baby ate my blog

I don't know where to start.
I miss blogland. I miss checking lost and found every day to see how everyone is doing.
I feel like I crossed over to the dark side. Like I am no longer welcome in the world of TTC, bedrest, IF, etc.
I just can't keep up.
I am sick of one handed typing, so all commenting has come to an end. I do read though.

All is well.
I am content. And busy. And thankful.
Despite my body's perpetual failures in the reproductive sense, my boobs work pretty good. So that is excellent. He is growing like a weed.
Cloth diapering is going well.
Sleep is sparse but managable. He is actually a good sleeper, but has been congested for 4 weeks now with the cold that just won't die. So that has been wrecking any chance for really good sleep.
He is smiling.
He is cooing.
He is opening his hands more.
He grabs my bra and tickles my side when he nurses.
He smiles in his sleep.
He loves to be on the change table.
He loves to play in his crib.
He sleeps good in the swing... at night.
He is not too fond of the daytime nap.
He is less interested in sleeping on us than he used to be.
He is warm and cuddly.
He is a good traveler.
He is a good nurser.
He has his moments, although pitching fits is not really his thing.
He was over 13 pounds at last check.
His cloth diapers give him a big, pudgy butt:)

I am still not so comfortable in my skin as a mother.
I love him a whole lot.
I miss him when I am away.
I am sure he was worth everything I went through to bring him into the world.
I am healthy and back to "normal" says my OB.
I am scared to have sex on account of the trauma my parts went through.
I will have to have a cerclage if I ever get pregnant again. And P17 shots.
I am still who I was before. Just distracted.

For those of you who use Face.book, you surely know about the "25 things" meme going around. Well, the latest meme is called "First Born." It is for moms to remember stuff about their first pregnancy, birth and child. No one has tagged me. Guess nobody really wants me to relive that. What really pisses me off about that damn "first born" meme is the question: WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
WTF?
"Natural"
That word pisses me off to no fucking end. Was it natural? No. It was really fucking unnatural. I mean, is there anything really "natural" about having your crotch ripped in two? Is that somehow more natural than having a doctor cut your skin? Be it an episiotomy or a cut across your abdomen? And then to see people answer all cheery, "Yes, all natural!!" I have yet to see someone answer, "No, it was unnatural."

In the end it reminds me of the dreaded question: How many pregancies have you had? Followed but the other dreaded: How many live children do you have? They should make a FB mame for IFer's and those with recurrent loss. Wouldn't that be fun.

Damn fertiles are all the same. They are just so into their ability to procreate with such ease. I am less salty about it than I used to be. But it is still irritating.

I have no idea where I am going with this post. Or whether I should even continue to write on this blog. Months of bedrest is fading into the distance, along with the rest of my pre-baby life. I have a bad memory anyhow. But "new mom dumb" takes the cake. I am way dumber than miscarrige me, pregnancy me or bedrest me. I am pretty dull. Happy. But dull.

So I will distract you with cute photos of the boy I tried so much to have and finally did. I'd be an ass to not admit that I love him more than life. Because I do.

Finding the time

I am posting directly into blogger. Usually I write elsewhere then cut and paste - but time is short, so you'll just have to read this typos and all.

Baby D. has been sick. I somehow thought that newborns got a free pass on sicknesses. Nope. They catch colds just like you and me. So at the ripe age of six weeks my poor little guy is all full of boogies. He seems to have had 2 peeks already. Once with a sight fever that sent us to the doctors. But really, all we can do is saline in the nose and use the boogie sucker. Works good enough. Except those panic moments in the middle of the night when I wake up to the sound of him choking on his own snot. It sucks.

Despite the illness, the boy is good. He is a pretty easy baby and a pretty good sleeper. He is starting to give us the hint of a smile here and there, which is awesome. Usually it is when he is on the change table:)

We started in with cloth diapers this week. Not full time, but as much as we can manage... Trying to save some money.

Ok... So, the boy is crying, and this post is boring. More later about the biggest soupiest asspolsion I have ever witnessed!