Saturday, January 17, 2009

Finding the time

I am posting directly into blogger. Usually I write elsewhere then cut and paste - but time is short, so you'll just have to read this typos and all.

Baby D. has been sick. I somehow thought that newborns got a free pass on sicknesses. Nope. They catch colds just like you and me. So at the ripe age of six weeks my poor little guy is all full of boogies. He seems to have had 2 peeks already. Once with a sight fever that sent us to the doctors. But really, all we can do is saline in the nose and use the boogie sucker. Works good enough. Except those panic moments in the middle of the night when I wake up to the sound of him choking on his own snot. It sucks.

Despite the illness, the boy is good. He is a pretty easy baby and a pretty good sleeper. He is starting to give us the hint of a smile here and there, which is awesome. Usually it is when he is on the change table:)

We started in with cloth diapers this week. Not full time, but as much as we can manage... Trying to save some money.

Ok... So, the boy is crying, and this post is boring. More later about the biggest soupiest asspolsion I have ever witnessed!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

In addition to the post below about web identity

I should be more generous.
My MIL uses an image of my son in her profile because she is excited to be a grandmother - and that is a good thing.
Some days I want to hide away with my little guy, and keep all the world from him - even those who love him.
But it is not good for him... or for us as a family.
Today I will think about being more generous.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Your web identity (and mine)

I am on
I was before and then "erased" myself because I thought the whole thing was creepy. But then about a week before D. was born I started going on it again. It proved a great way to announce D.'s arrival to the world. Many of my friends use it, as does DH's extended family. Horray for social networking.

But I wonder about the images we post as we expose our lives to the world. What is the picture we paint? And this goes for our blogs too. Here, I am the girl with the miscarriages, the septum, the incompetent cervix and finally... One of the ones lucky enough to give birth to a real live baby. But, of course, we are all more than this little window we open to the world.

But back to - cuz it is such a weird beast. There we have a "profile" to expose both our physical selves, but also to list all those things we deem significant enough to represent us to the world. What gets left out here?

But it is not the "profile" or the idea of "friends" that has my panties all in a bunch. It is the images that we choose to represent ourselves that I can not figure out. I vowed never to make D. part of my profile picture. It started out when I realized some of my very conservative family members were very formulaic in their choices of profile pics. It was that the women always posted a picture of themselves with their husbands. Not once, always. It was never just them... Like, here I am - just me - the independent lady. It was always: Here I am wife to this dude to my left. Blech.

Then after having D. I realized that 90% of the folks my age were posting pics of their kids instead of themselves, and I thought that was really weird too. Then finally I was friended by a woman who ONLY has pictures of her kids. Not one of herself. Dag. She's done gone disappeared herself all together. She is nothing but her kids?

I know. It is just Who cares, right? It is not like this is a true picture of ones identity. But as women, as mothers, as wives, as partners, as former and current infertiles (however we define that) how do we choose to represent ourselves online?

I just know that I am me. Yes, D. is more than me. I put him first and will always. And he will be part of my identity and also part of my "profile." But where is the line that women draw between themselves and their family members? When does our family consume us? And have we thought about what it means to freely pass the image of our children around? What about their identity? They have no say in the distribution of their image.

And I am friends with some of you who read this and who do have pictures of your babies or family as your profile... Please don't think I am judging you. I am not. I am just considering this, curious really. Hell, right now I have a picture of me with my cat. In my sick head I was using this image to make up for how I have neglected him (the cat) over the last weeks:) As if he knows I posted it.

But I think what I have the hardest time with was seeing that my MIL has now swapped out the profile picture of her and FIL to a picture of just my baby D.

Mine. Belonging to me. My son.

She has overstepped me. She has consumed and distributed the image of my son as a representation of herself. Somehow, my son is who she is? And that really bothers me. It makes me sad that I did not consider better how his image would be in the virtual world. Who might take it, use it and pass it around. It also makes me feel terribly possessive. It does not help that she is also posting a daily status about him like his birthday, his weight, etc. But she is also openly discussing how productive my breasts are with her sisters on her wall? WTF? I am a person. Not a cow. I am a mother to D. But I am still me.

Some thoughts on this?