Saturday, February 7, 2009

My baby ate my blog

I don't know where to start.
I miss blogland. I miss checking lost and found every day to see how everyone is doing.
I feel like I crossed over to the dark side. Like I am no longer welcome in the world of TTC, bedrest, IF, etc.
I just can't keep up.
I am sick of one handed typing, so all commenting has come to an end. I do read though.

All is well.
I am content. And busy. And thankful.
Despite my body's perpetual failures in the reproductive sense, my boobs work pretty good. So that is excellent. He is growing like a weed.
Cloth diapering is going well.
Sleep is sparse but managable. He is actually a good sleeper, but has been congested for 4 weeks now with the cold that just won't die. So that has been wrecking any chance for really good sleep.
He is smiling.
He is cooing.
He is opening his hands more.
He grabs my bra and tickles my side when he nurses.
He smiles in his sleep.
He loves to be on the change table.
He loves to play in his crib.
He sleeps good in the swing... at night.
He is not too fond of the daytime nap.
He is less interested in sleeping on us than he used to be.
He is warm and cuddly.
He is a good traveler.
He is a good nurser.
He has his moments, although pitching fits is not really his thing.
He was over 13 pounds at last check.
His cloth diapers give him a big, pudgy butt:)

I am still not so comfortable in my skin as a mother.
I love him a whole lot.
I miss him when I am away.
I am sure he was worth everything I went through to bring him into the world.
I am healthy and back to "normal" says my OB.
I am scared to have sex on account of the trauma my parts went through.
I will have to have a cerclage if I ever get pregnant again. And P17 shots.
I am still who I was before. Just distracted.

For those of you who use, you surely know about the "25 things" meme going around. Well, the latest meme is called "First Born." It is for moms to remember stuff about their first pregnancy, birth and child. No one has tagged me. Guess nobody really wants me to relive that. What really pisses me off about that damn "first born" meme is the question: WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
That word pisses me off to no fucking end. Was it natural? No. It was really fucking unnatural. I mean, is there anything really "natural" about having your crotch ripped in two? Is that somehow more natural than having a doctor cut your skin? Be it an episiotomy or a cut across your abdomen? And then to see people answer all cheery, "Yes, all natural!!" I have yet to see someone answer, "No, it was unnatural."

In the end it reminds me of the dreaded question: How many pregancies have you had? Followed but the other dreaded: How many live children do you have? They should make a FB mame for IFer's and those with recurrent loss. Wouldn't that be fun.

Damn fertiles are all the same. They are just so into their ability to procreate with such ease. I am less salty about it than I used to be. But it is still irritating.

I have no idea where I am going with this post. Or whether I should even continue to write on this blog. Months of bedrest is fading into the distance, along with the rest of my pre-baby life. I have a bad memory anyhow. But "new mom dumb" takes the cake. I am way dumber than miscarrige me, pregnancy me or bedrest me. I am pretty dull. Happy. But dull.

So I will distract you with cute photos of the boy I tried so much to have and finally did. I'd be an ass to not admit that I love him more than life. Because I do.


anne said...

I've been following your blog for months, and I think you're wonderful. My name is Anne, and I am also a member of the complicated pregnancies family.

I recently was tagged on the "First Born" facebook meme, and the natural/section question irked me as well although not as much as the "was abortion an option for you?" question. Have you seen this? I know I am a bit sensitive in this matter because I recently had to undergo a second trimester termination of a much wanted child, but I think the question is imprudent on so many levels.

Anyway, I'm glad you found some time to post, and I hope the good sleeping and nursing continues.

sacredandscarred said...

Oh the cuteness!!!!

I agree that there is a world of difference between a natural birth and a vaginal birth. As you know, I had a c/s and though it was traumatic, it was probably less traumatic than a traumatic VB.

BTW I am still a bit scared to have sex. And I don't have hetero sex. And I had a c/s. So it doesn't surprise me in the least that you are apprehensive.

orodemniades said...

So cute!

But infertile motherhood? "Rocky" and "Road" takes on a whole new meaning.n n Ohn man hasn m essed up my kybd! Um , yeah, update when andn if you can.

It's hard, but y'know, in a few monthsnit's going to be beyond worth it.1 just you wai

Me said...

Love that little hat in the last pic!

May said...

Adorable!!! What cuteness!

I had the same problem with my blog. Just live your life- we only get one! No guilt allowed if your life takes up too much time to blog. Just check in every now and then, hm?

G$ said...

Natural just means, were you waxed or did you have the 70s bush going on?


I luv you and I can't believe how cute the old/young man is! I just want to snuggle him up.
Not you though, you are all prickly and boney.


Susanna said...

maybe you could just change your blog title to "a uterus united?"

that facebook thing sounds dreadful. i dare someone to tag me with that one. ha.

baby D is such a bbbbbeeeeeeeauuuuuuuuteeeeeeeeeeeeee.

love you booger. i love seeing you happy.

loribeth said...

He is adorable. : ) I hope you keep on blogging!

jenn said...

can I tell you how happy 'dull but happy' makes me for you!

And that adorable squeezable huggable little boy is beautiful! What better reason for not blogging could you ask for!

That meme sounds awful- I hate filling them out anyway, but that would drive me nuts! Don't worry about what to blog or when- if you find a need or want- you will. Otherwise, just pop on every now & then with more cuteness from D & it'll all be good!

(by the way- go boobs!) ;o)

sara said...

He is just gorgeous M - just like his mama. I'm not just saying that. You look great. I saw the same thing on facebook and I just didn't fill it out. I hear you on the lack of time to blog with the little one. When it comes time of whether to cuddle with the baby or read to her or blog...well blogging always comes last. I'm glad things are going well for you both and I got your email the other day. Just need to get off my lazy butt to write back! Hugs to my favorite new mama (that's you!)

CTagsGirl said...

Awwwww. My heart just melted a little bit. D is so flippin' adorable. Glad to hear that all is well in your world.

Another Dreamer said...

Consider me distracted!!!

Oh, he is so beautiful, and so worth it!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is wonderful and your baby boy is adorable. I was wondering if you've described the hysteroscopy procedure anywhere in your blog? I couldn't find anything, but I might have missed it. Thanks so much,


admin said...

There is a good description of the hysteroscopy process here:

I had mine in November of 07, so if you read my posts around then you might find out some more.