Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I'm not sure when I stopped.

It was not a decision. It just happened. Time was eaten up, and this place I had for myself, for you, lost its weight in my world. But I miss it here. Despite the face that I may be alone again. Where are you old friends?

Life is both good and busy. DH is hauling ass, working a ton. I am teaching, working on a start-up venture with friends and holding down the domestic end full-time. In other words, I and a FT-SAHM with two half-jobs. It is exhausting, but just fine. I struggle, but I have a great life and the good fortune to be able to choose either or both paths.

Motherhood is lovely and unexpectedly satisfying. I never thought I would ever entertain staying home full time - but I love it. Sometimes I feel like a big puss for that. But most of the time i couldn't give a damn what others think. My little dood will only be young once. I am greedy about my time with him.

There a big plans brewing for the next year. DH is traveling a ton (across the pond.) We hope to buy a bigger house in the spring. And we are trying to work out the details about expanding our family in the fall of 2010. It is a complicated dance - the work, the moving, the tricky pregnancy. But we'll figure it out. Nearly 4 months of bedrest and the pain of child birth have faded into the distance. I fear what bedrest will look like with a toddler running about. But I know we can do it. Not without the support of or wonderful families - but I know they are all excited to see our clan grow.

More than anything I stress about the stress - remembering those moments of hopelessness - of feeling like my body was failing so terribly. I remember the terror and fear of knowing that we could have lost him. I can only hope that if we successfully conceive again, that we'll be better prepared this time. We have a good doctor. We know how to treat my issues preventatively. We've been through it all.

I miss you blog-o-sphere. I hope you are swell.


jenn said...

I miss you too!!! I was so excited to see your comment- I thought to myself... gee I hope she's back now.

I was oddly happy in my (albeit unexpectedly forced) stint as sahm. I think I could do it very easily. I love working since I really do love my job- but I hate the loss of time with her. You are so right that it never comes back & is so precious.

Speaking of precious- how adorable is D? Such a little man- yet still has that snuggly cuddly eat him up baby look- that's a great picture! I'm glad everything is going so well- I don't know how you manage it, but then again I guess I do. Everything seems to shift & change once you get that little miracle home & get into your mommy/parent groove. I know we have found ourselves adjusting quite easily to situations I would have never imagined pre-baby.
God luck in all your upcoming ventures- moving & a new babe... all very exciting!

the moore family said...

Hey old friend! So fabulous to hear from you! From someone whose been there - you can totally do bedrest with a toddler! In fact, I <3'd that time. I could just lay with him and read book after book for hours on end. What I wouldn't do for the time to do that now! :D How exciting all the things you've got going on in life. Can't wait to continue to read about them all. You've been missed. XOXO

Queen D said...

We miss you too! Good to hear from you again. Baby D is the cutest!

Meg said...

I have missed you and your posts. D is adorable! We too think about our next journey to have another addition to Finn and even though it will be about a year from now, it still has me thinking back and forward at the prospect.

carol said...

Cute little guy

G$ said...

You never stopped in G world.


Two Shorten the Road said...

What a cutie!

Good to hear things are going pretty well. :)