Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Self-alienation feels so right

A list of reasons why I have decided I am totally cool to not have any fertile friends in the form of a list of things that have been said to me in the last few months by by these same fertile friends:

L: It just seems like this is another reason why women get pitted against each other. I can't help it that you can not get pregnant.
Response I would given in hindsight: I can get pregnant... over, and over and over and over. But my body kills them. Big freakin difference.

C: I am disappointed and pissed that I can not use a midwife because of my epilepsy - Can you tell me the name of the Dr. who gave you bad advise so I don't go to him?
Response I would give in hindsight: Don't come to me with your sob stories. Lesson number one - having kids is nothing like the bull-shit lines we've been fed since we were kids. I know that all too well. Not everyone gets the glow, the perfect birth, etc. Some of us don't even get the kid. So suck it up, go to your OB and don't bother me with questions I can not answer. Remember, while you were getting knocked up, I was getting fetus #2 vuc-u-sucked from my womb.

L: I know exactly what you are going through because when I was in my thirties I wanted kids like crazy but there was just no partners around.
My response: Well, actually, it is nothing like that. There is a big difference between not having a partner and your body being physically malformed in a way that prevents successful pregnancies.

N: You can have one of my kids. Take your pick.
My response: I think they might be a little attached to you by now.

C (at a social gathering): Pregnancy is really just on inconvenience. I am just tired and hungry all of the time.
My response: Chin to chest. Don't make eye contact with anyone. Block it out. Inconvenience? Is she kidding? F-off.

Goodbye friends. You can get updates from my husband, but I would rather you did not care, because I know that ignoring you is shitty. I am a total asshole for this. But it is the best I can do, even if it is nasty at best.

1 comment:

K77 said...

The no partner thing shits me. The term "social infertility" shits me to tears, it is SO damned offensive to those of us who are truly medically infertile.

I am sick of hearing lesbians/single women bitching that they should have access to IVF because of "social infertility". (In my state it's only accessible if you are medically infertile, as it should be I think!).

As half of a lesbian couple I did what I consider the reasonable and responsible thing to do - found a trusted known sperm donor and DIY inseminations.

Not pg after 2 years, had 2 surgeries, tried again for another 5 months, moved to IVF.

Being single or a lesbian does NOT make you infertile.

The c-section woes annoy me too. I have sympathy for one of my friends because her daughter (5yrs ttc) nearly died and it was really traumatic, but the ingratitude of your run of the mill c-sectioners grates me.

You're not an asshole by the way, you're simply responding appropriately to your friends' asshole-ism. Or maybe I'm just a bigger asshole that you ;)