Sunday, January 6, 2008

I am flattening out and this post is boring.

Flattening out in a good way. Less like a cardboard cut-out, more like a mood that is manageable. My husband is out of town for nearly a month. So I have a month to heal. Really heal. Knowing that we can begin to try again is a relief. I am scared, but ready.

As far as my health, I am just waiting on test results from a biopsy and blood-work. My RE has been monitoring my cycle just to look for anything else that may have contributed to the losses. We can assume the septum was causing them, but she just wanted to make sure there were not any other factors. I appreciate her being so thorough. My second pregnancy was chromosomally abnormal. That loss was actually the most "normal" thing that has happened to me. It is the kind of miscarriage that "normal" people have.

I saw a shrink last week (do people still use the word "shrink?" It seems so 80's) I liked her ok. But seeing her made me realize I might not need her. What i really asked her for was help developing some better coping skills so I might be able to start seeing my pregnant friends again with out wanting to run away from them and cry. She suggested that I still need more time. She also suggested that I need some way to mark my losses, to grieve in a more tangible way. I was due on January 31st - in about three weeks. So I was thinking it would be nice to make that day special in some way. I just don't know what I want to do.

I am slammed with work. I picked up a web design class at another school here in the city. So now I am teaching 7.5 (possibly 10.5) credits at three distinct university (arg, how many ID's can one person have.) On the upside, that means I also have access to three different libraries! I also have a stupid amount of prep work to do in the next two weeks. I have a job interview on tuesday for a part-time office gig working for an organization that I have a ton of respect for. That would make my spring semester hyper-busy. Which I think would be a really good thing for me.

J. is in Egypt for three more weeks (2 weeks and 6 days actually - but who's counting). I was supposed to accompany him, but the plain ticket was pretty steep and I am desperate for a new computer and software so I can teach this web class. We are also in the midst of a bathroom remodel, so cash needs to be kept aside for that. It is fine. I hate to be away from him, but I can't say I was really in the head space to be in a foreign place. He is working while there, so I would have had to have been pretty pro-active about being out and about on my own.

Yesterday was crazy. My father, brother and uncle came into the city to re-start working on the bathroom. A year and 3 months ago we gutted it. Since then, we have lived with plywood floors, some drywall, exposed insulation, no electric and no sink. It has been rough, but you get used to it. Yesterday got us one step closer. We not are totally drywalled, have three beautiful functioning lights, a light in the closet and masonry board in the tub surround so we can start tiling! It was a long day, and my body it aching, but it is worth it. Free family labor rocks! Now I just have to teach myself to tile.

{the different colors in the image are just the color of the drywall. I did not paint my bathroom purple and green...}


jenn said...

wow- how ironic in that our kitchen was started one year & 3 months ago, we also have lived with plywood floors & the exposed brick. we must teach ourselves to tile as well!

If I have any good tips- or vice versa- we'll have to share!

jenn said...

also- I think if you are to the point where you want to mark the day- you should. It will probably involve tears, buthopefully they are the kind that make you feel cleaner afterwards. If that makes sense.