Monday, January 21, 2008

Hello? Are you there?

I have been trapped, I mean hog-tied with work the last two weeks. It is the beginning of the Spring semester and the prep work is worse than usual due to the fact that I picked up a class I have never taught before at a new school. I have also been eyeball deep in the digital disaster which is my portfolio. Getting organized enough to apply for jobs has been scary. Last week, I was up most of the week till 4 am trying to make sense of my "files" from the last year.

This whole "habitual aborter" thing has had me neglecting my professional life for a mere 9 months. No time like the present to pick up the crumbled mess and mush it into something somewhat solid. My life is not pretty. It just is.

My dear boy J. returns from his middle eastern adventures this weekend and I can not be more ready. I mean, I was ready for him to return the second he left, but now I am REALLY ready!

We have a "date" planned. The kind where I shave my legs and show some cleavage, and he buys us a fancy dinner. I am excited for that. Then on to February. The month where we start to try again without really trying. I have given up temping and OPK's in the hopes of maintainig some sanity. I know I ovulate on or around day 16 - so we'll just get busy. The "hump-fests" of 2007 are a thing of the past. This year, we're just gonna chill.

My RE wants to do one last in office hysteroscopy to see how the resection site healed. I am pretty sick of getting violated, so I am thinking to cancel it and just hope for the best? Whatcha think?

I want to add a note of sensitivity here to those of you in the IF world who struggle to conceive. I am one of the privileged who can get pregnant, at least prior to my resection I could. Getting pregnant has never been a problem for me - staying pregnant has. Recurrent miscarriage is not the same as the struggle to conceive. Not better, not worse, just different (some may argue this). So as I enter into the "trying without really trying" phase, it is with great privilege that I do so-- I know I am lucky to be able to say that. In reality, it stems from knowing that we should take a break and plan a bit around our work-life, but being truly scared that we have yet to hit the last bump. So we'll head into it, acting ignorant, but knowing we may still be in for a ride.

1 comment:

jenn said...

Congrats on the return of J- I hope it's a great date!

I also hope for the best with your return to 'trying without trying'. I hope it's low stress & highly successful. But if I were you- I would consider getting checked out one last time... you never know, right?