Thursday, January 31, 2008

My EDD + CD1

Today is the day I was due. Due to be a mother. My husband, due to be a father. My mom, due to be a grandmom. I was ready. I am still ready. I am still due.

Today is also CD1. And I am due to try again in 14 days. But not after one last look at the inside of my Ute, on CD11.

I am sad and hopeful all at once. I feel like I lost a whole 9 months of my life-- 9 months that was supposed to be full of joy and plans made for a bigger future. It was 9 months that were supposed to be the most "natural" of my life. Instead, I had what can only be described as the most unnatural year I have ever had. I have been poked, prodded and violated in nearly every way possible. But I was determined and pointed in my actions. I found the most amazing support from a group of women with the same condition as me, who gather online to share their experiences. It is because of this list that I was able to understand what was happening to me, but also to understand how to drive my own treatment. Without the support of these women, I would not have stumbled through this with such speed, and hopefully, success.

On my EDD and CD1, I'll start the clock again. I'll am going to allow myself to be hopeful. I am going to allow myself to believe that I will get pregnant. I am going to allow myself to imagine taking my next pregnancy to term. I am going to imagine my life in a family of three.

3 comments:

K77 said...

I'm sorry it's not the day it's supposed to be.

I'm glad you're able to start again with a clean slate, remodelled uterus. Things can be different now, it's a new beginning.

loribeth said...

(((hugs!!)))

I found that yahoo group too! It's an amazing resource!

stoptheworldiwanttogetoff said...

I'm with you sister. I feel your disappointment. I know your sadness. I'm happy that you (we) have found our problem. I'll be following your journey and crossing my fingers for you.....and for me.