Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Self. Help.

I have failed yet again. This time to be diligent enough to hire a trained professional to help me manage my mental health. I tried, I really did. I called 2 different therapists repeatedly. Then I just kept playing phone tag with them and we both gave up. Fortunately, I have migrated from desperately sullen to flat and unmotivated. Not really a step up, but perhaps sideways-- and a bit less painful. It is as if nothing gets my goat (umm, except pregnant ladies.)

I have already decided that when I do finally carry a successful pregnancy I am making a screen print that just says "IF." And I will screen it on every shirt that I wear with a swollen belly. Fertiles will not get "it." And those who have struggles will. But then again, I am not really IF. I am an IF poser. I have no IF cred. Well, I did have 2 miscarriages - that has to count for something?

But back to my failed quest for help... I did find the self-help in the isle of my local used book store. I didn't crack one of the books open, rather, I spent about 20 minutes photographing all of the covers. There is a distinct aesthetic to self-help books that I think is really fascinating.
This is the book I was hoping to find, but alas, I fear it does not exist...

4 comments:

B said...

I've noticed a few conversations about what it means to be really infertile...

While I don't fit the infertile category (long story), I propose that we couch infertility in terms of the feminist statement "Context is everything."

Your context includes two losses, uterine challenges, and difficulty getting pregnant, yes? Thus, if you choose to call yourself infertile, I dare anyone to hassle you about it. It's your life, your body, your mental health. Your right to define yourself and your struggle.

Hekateris said...

I have to agree, i don't think anyone wouldn't call you infertile, to be honest...as we've seen far too often, as Julie's title reads, it turns out you can be a little pregnant...

Personally I think 'unexplained infertility' is the most hellish diagnosis of all because it would appear that there's nowhere to turn, no concrete answer one can point to and say See, it's my crappy ovaries! or See, it's stupid sperm tricks! But that's just my theory, anyway.

Oro

jenn said...

I just have to comment on the book- this very evening- not 10 minutes ago I was lamenting to my dear hub what today's start of cycle 14 means with the next couple weeks being research & picking a doc, then enduring all manner of tests. I described the wonders of the HSG & then I brought up the 'dildo-cam'. he laughed uncontrollably & told me how much he loved me because I said dildo-cam.

and here all I wanted to do was guilt him into a s-a.

Yodasmistress said...

"But then again, I am not really IF. I am an IF poser. I have no IF cred."

I have to admit that this made me laugh out loud. I will (sheepishly) admit to being someone who has told peeps they are not IF if they have not put in the requisite 12 months. And I will also admit that most of the "IF posers" I've met did get pregnant before they hit that benchmark. And I hope you do too.

Best wishes!