Thursday, June 12, 2008

We are in the clear..... I think (weather-wise and pregnancy-wise)

It has been a really long time since I posted. It may be easiest to sum up my absence in a list or reasons why:

1. The dreadful heat wave that pounded the east coast this week sent me into exile at my mother's house in the country. I hate the sun and the heat more than anything - and our house is impossible to keep cool in a bad heat wave like this one. So off to the farm with me to get home cooked meals, to lounge in the AC and to laze by the pool with my sisters rugrats.

2. I was waiting, for what seemed like forever, for the results from my NT scan. I guess my blood work came back looking good because the roomie is a low risk for all genetic and neural tube defects. (Phew) I was too scared to post, scared I work myself up into some neurotic frenzy.

3. Did I mention it was hot as HELL here! Can't do anything in the heat. No moving, no typing, no thinking. Just seeking out AC and eating cold things.

So at 14 weeks and 5 days, it is finally getting a little hard to disguise my growing tummy. I am living in the same 5 dresses all the time - to stay cool, but also because I seem to HATE having anything binding my belly at all. The striped dress in this weeks picture is one I made while living in Berlin about three years ago (when I used to be cool and travel instead of constantly spending money on our pathetic house.) In the end, I think I still look more like I have a beer gut, but I don't care. My body will be what it will be and people can look at it any way they want. I am pretty ok with a beer gut. Kinda funny really.

My mother took me shopping for fabric for a few more dresses she is making me. These two are actual maternity dresses, so I may not really need them for a while yet. The women at the fabric store wanted to grill me with lots of pregnancy questions: How far along are you? Are you excited? etc. I am afraid, having had issues with pregnancy or not, I am not very good at all of this. I have never been very girly, have never felt comfortable "sharing" with strangers, and even more so now, I am still scared to be joyous about my condition. So when an inquiry was made into my "excitement" I just kind of stammered... "um, yes, excited, um, yes." If I would have been honest I would have said, "Well I am relieved everyday that I am still pregnant, because I have had miscarriages before and they scared the hell out of me. And yes, some days I might even verge on excitement. But mostly I am still timid and scared. But I am an trying to enjoy it. Because for now, everything seems to be ok."

But do people really want you to answer honestly? I don't think so.

3 comments:

sara said...

Hey Meredith...look at you gorgeous! I don't know what is cooler, the fact that you look so freakin great at 14 weeks or the fact that you know how to make a dress! I am in awe. I am bowing down before you in admiration because I struggle with sewing a button :-)

I'm glad you were able to get out of the heat a little bit. If you're like me - pregnancy even only at 14 wks and heat go together about as well as Saddam Huessin and Mother Teresa. As far as the previa, thanks for asking. Yes, delightfully it is moving a little bit! That's one bit of happy news :-)

I totally understand what you mean about answering people's questions about are you excited about the pregnancy. When I smile and nod my head I feel like such a liar. I am happy, but I don't know if I am excited, because honestly I'm just more scared right now. So I think they would look at me weird if I said yes I'm happy about the pregnancy, but scared to death it's all going to be taken away at the blink of an eye. But I wish I didn't have to say that you know all to well how that feels. I'm so sorry that we can both relate to that feeling.

But hearing from you more than others always makes me feel better. I always feel like you understand what I mean, and you give me the encouragement that things will be okay. Hopefully I can be half as helpful for you when you need it. Yikes, we're almost 15 weeks. We're awesome! Go us! (No I was never a cheerleader in a previous life I swear)

jenn said...

So glad you got out for the soupy mess that was our city! It was disgusting here! I am almost (let me stress the almost) glad that I did not get pregnant last month because I woul have been around 7 weeks & morning sickness & fatigue in that have got to suck!

You are adorable by the way! So doesn't look like a beer gut, just a cute little bump! I attempt to makeclothing every few years, but fail miserably- kudos to you for making something so cute!

scarredbellybutton said...

You have such a neat & tidy little bump there.

I think the key is to avoid all eye contact, don't give anyone a chance to ask. And an air of blatant hostility seems to help too.