Last nights "cry it out" was not so bad. We established a nice routine: get changed, read 2 books, nurse, then into bed. He whaled for about 10 minutes then sacked out. This all by 7:10 pm:) He did wake twice before 8 and cry, but after that he was out. I am still trying to figure out what to do with all the extra free time!
Then this morning, he did a stellar job taking 2 crib naps in the morning and 1 in the afternoon! Huh? Its like the more he sleeps the more he wants to sleep. Rad. I hope this evening goes as smoothly, especially since I am here tooting my horn.
We are also going to start rice cereal today. Last night he helped himself to a fist full of cous cous off of DH's dinner plate. Didn't make it to his mouth, but almost. So he is officially mooching:) Very cute.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Battling to sleep
We have finally hit a wall. A bedtime wall. DH believes we coddle the boy too much. I just want a calm and soothing bedtime experience, so I attempt to keep crying to a minimum. But bedtime has become exhausting.
It started when I foolishly read a book on sleep issues - given to me by a friend. It is of the hardcore, cry it out, variety. Not really my thing. But lately, I am swaying. We try to be consistent. There are 2-3 naps a day. Ideally in the crib, but not always. They are ideally at least an hour, but not always. I nurse him, then he gets a bounce and a shhhhhhh cribside. Lately, you can put him in the crib, but he may wake right away or in the next ten minute. Repeat bounce and shhhhh, and hope for the best. It does not always work.
Then there is bedtime. We usually wait till we see eyerubbing, but I think this is actually the problem. I think by the time he is rubbing the eyes we are too late. He is over tired. He has been clusterfeeding in the 6-7 pm hour. I actually think this is his own bedtime preparation. Anyhow, what usually happens is about 7:30-8, I nurse him again, then bounce and shhhh. Sometimes he takes it, but more often now he starts to rub his eyes frantically, popping out the nuk repeatedly and then on to screaming. DH steps in and we rotate back and forth based on what our moods can stand. Last ditch effort is to lay in bed with him.
Well, tonight.... Tonight we are going to try to put him in the crib without the bounce and shhh. We made a plan so we are in alignment and not making decisions on the fly, in the thick of it. We are moving bedtime up to 7, for sure. We are establishing a calming routine for the 30-45 minutes prior. Reading, nursing, etc. Then a short bounce, then into the crib. We decided on 30 minutes of crying without going in, picking up, etc. This is going to be VERY taxing on me. But I know what we have been doing is not working. In fact, it has become a disaster, and not good for anyone. I need, very much, for bedtime to change. We are going to give it three days and see how it goes. Honestly, it can not get much worse:) Well, I suppose it could.....
If only ever nap could be like this one:
It started when I foolishly read a book on sleep issues - given to me by a friend. It is of the hardcore, cry it out, variety. Not really my thing. But lately, I am swaying. We try to be consistent. There are 2-3 naps a day. Ideally in the crib, but not always. They are ideally at least an hour, but not always. I nurse him, then he gets a bounce and a shhhhhhh cribside. Lately, you can put him in the crib, but he may wake right away or in the next ten minute. Repeat bounce and shhhhh, and hope for the best. It does not always work.
Then there is bedtime. We usually wait till we see eyerubbing, but I think this is actually the problem. I think by the time he is rubbing the eyes we are too late. He is over tired. He has been clusterfeeding in the 6-7 pm hour. I actually think this is his own bedtime preparation. Anyhow, what usually happens is about 7:30-8, I nurse him again, then bounce and shhhh. Sometimes he takes it, but more often now he starts to rub his eyes frantically, popping out the nuk repeatedly and then on to screaming. DH steps in and we rotate back and forth based on what our moods can stand. Last ditch effort is to lay in bed with him.
Well, tonight.... Tonight we are going to try to put him in the crib without the bounce and shhh. We made a plan so we are in alignment and not making decisions on the fly, in the thick of it. We are moving bedtime up to 7, for sure. We are establishing a calming routine for the 30-45 minutes prior. Reading, nursing, etc. Then a short bounce, then into the crib. We decided on 30 minutes of crying without going in, picking up, etc. This is going to be VERY taxing on me. But I know what we have been doing is not working. In fact, it has become a disaster, and not good for anyone. I need, very much, for bedtime to change. We are going to give it three days and see how it goes. Honestly, it can not get much worse:) Well, I suppose it could.....
If only ever nap could be like this one:
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Musings on bloggyness
Oh, how life has changed. I still read all of the many blogs that I read while TTC and on bedrest, but I feel so disconnected. I want to cheer everyone on, and am continually thankful for the near 2 years of support I have been given from this community. But as a new parent, one of the ones who "succeeded," I feel like a bit of a chump. It is like being stuck between two worlds. One where I relate whole-heartedly to those on the roller-coaster, or on couch-arrest. But where I "fit," momentarily, into the fertile world. I am one of the lucky ones who conceived and birthed a child (not without many scary moments.) Yet I still feel uncomfortable when I see a pregnant woman out and about in the world. Oh, aren't you special to be pregnant and allowed to do your own grocery shopping! I make a lot of assumptions about how easy it is for other women. I know my assumptions are sometimes wrong, even cruel.
The spring has been a rude awakening. As the frost melts, I have been spending more time out in the world-- strolling the boy around the neighborhood. I have run into many an acquaintance who never even knew I was pregnant, let alone have a six month old! It feels weird to have to rehash my rocky pregnancy in a way that is palatable to someone you don't know so well. Surely, not everyone needs to know about the mechanics of my faulty cervix (ewww.) I certainly don't share what came before then. No one really wants to hear about your multiple miscarriages and your lap/hyst.
I am, in general, a shy person-- with strangers at least. It takes a lot out of me to negotiate small talk. I feel nervous and silly. Being a parent has not changed that. I know some women who have "blossomed" after having kids. Their children become a conduit through which they are more free in conversation. "We have the same stroller! Oh my gosh, I have never seen anyone with that stroller!" I don't know if it is the predictability of the conversations, or the strange personal nature of them that turns me off. Either way, I am whole-heartily disinterested in talking with strangers about my son. Yes, that is sweet and nice that someone tells me they think he is cute-- but seriously, what else would one say! Um, your baby's ears stick out funny!?! I don't have the privilege of recounting my smooth pregnancy and uncomplicated, unmedicated birth. I don't get to compare notes after running into a couple I attended birth classes with. I couldn't go to birth classes, because I was stuck in bed! My son is a person, not an accessory. He is a baby like any other. And while he is very special to me, I don't want his to grow up thinking he is the center of the universe. I want him to be part of the collective universe. I guess when it comes to him in public space, I am much more private than I thought I would be. He is not a trophy. He is a little boy.
And perhaps being outed from both camps is ok for now, because my glorious and beautiful boy takes up most of my time (phew, if feels good to brag about how marvelous he is.) But I suspect the day will come when I need to lean on this blog again. There will be questions about progesterone shots, bleeding and a cerclage. There will be musings about how to mind a toddler when you are supposed to stay in bed. At least I hope there will be. Not to say that I look forward to another complicated pregnancy. But I look forward to having another kid. If I am honest with myself, I would really like 4 or 5 (I am totally serious.) But on account of my body, 2 may be the limit. One, may actually be the limit. Who knows. I fear speculating.
I just love that I have this blog, and that I can read about everyone else's experiences too. It is just rad that this world, this place, exists for me-- and for you. So even though my posts are becoming few and far between, and won't forget how I am like you, and how you are like me. And I won't ever stop dreaming that all of you some day get what I am so amazingly fortunate to have. A child.
Oh, and the boy is sitting up! Joy!
The spring has been a rude awakening. As the frost melts, I have been spending more time out in the world-- strolling the boy around the neighborhood. I have run into many an acquaintance who never even knew I was pregnant, let alone have a six month old! It feels weird to have to rehash my rocky pregnancy in a way that is palatable to someone you don't know so well. Surely, not everyone needs to know about the mechanics of my faulty cervix (ewww.) I certainly don't share what came before then. No one really wants to hear about your multiple miscarriages and your lap/hyst.
I am, in general, a shy person-- with strangers at least. It takes a lot out of me to negotiate small talk. I feel nervous and silly. Being a parent has not changed that. I know some women who have "blossomed" after having kids. Their children become a conduit through which they are more free in conversation. "We have the same stroller! Oh my gosh, I have never seen anyone with that stroller!" I don't know if it is the predictability of the conversations, or the strange personal nature of them that turns me off. Either way, I am whole-heartily disinterested in talking with strangers about my son. Yes, that is sweet and nice that someone tells me they think he is cute-- but seriously, what else would one say! Um, your baby's ears stick out funny!?! I don't have the privilege of recounting my smooth pregnancy and uncomplicated, unmedicated birth. I don't get to compare notes after running into a couple I attended birth classes with. I couldn't go to birth classes, because I was stuck in bed! My son is a person, not an accessory. He is a baby like any other. And while he is very special to me, I don't want his to grow up thinking he is the center of the universe. I want him to be part of the collective universe. I guess when it comes to him in public space, I am much more private than I thought I would be. He is not a trophy. He is a little boy.
And perhaps being outed from both camps is ok for now, because my glorious and beautiful boy takes up most of my time (phew, if feels good to brag about how marvelous he is.) But I suspect the day will come when I need to lean on this blog again. There will be questions about progesterone shots, bleeding and a cerclage. There will be musings about how to mind a toddler when you are supposed to stay in bed. At least I hope there will be. Not to say that I look forward to another complicated pregnancy. But I look forward to having another kid. If I am honest with myself, I would really like 4 or 5 (I am totally serious.) But on account of my body, 2 may be the limit. One, may actually be the limit. Who knows. I fear speculating.
I just love that I have this blog, and that I can read about everyone else's experiences too. It is just rad that this world, this place, exists for me-- and for you. So even though my posts are becoming few and far between, and won't forget how I am like you, and how you are like me. And I won't ever stop dreaming that all of you some day get what I am so amazingly fortunate to have. A child.
Oh, and the boy is sitting up! Joy!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Show and Tell - May 3, 2009
It has been a long time since I participated in Mel's Show and Tell, but I made some cool stuff this week that I wanted to show. Even better, when I made my way to LFCA I read that Mel's book went on sale this week. How freaking cool is that! I LOVE the name. It feels like a sweet nod to the IF blogging community to use our lingo.
Anyhow, on to show and tell. I have been sewing a lot lately. Friends of ours, who I was somewhat estranged from during our m/c's and pregnancy, have a daughter who is turning 1 at the end of the month. She was conceived 2 weeks after our last loss. So I am still sometimes reminded that our baby would be 2 weeks older than her. But instead we have a gorgeous 5 month old boy - that we love more than anything. I have been making little things for our friends little girl because she is super cool, but also to make up for our absence during her first months of life. I just completed this dress for her birthday gift. She is a pretty rough and tumble little thing... So I am not sure how she will like it, but....
I also made a little stuffed birdie for D. for an easter gift. He fell in love with it and chews ravenously on its little head:) Last week, on a walk to the post office, D. set the birdie free. We retraced our steps, but she was off to greener pastures. Last night I finally got around to making a new one. He was so happy this morning. It is soaked through. Eww.
Anyhow, on to show and tell. I have been sewing a lot lately. Friends of ours, who I was somewhat estranged from during our m/c's and pregnancy, have a daughter who is turning 1 at the end of the month. She was conceived 2 weeks after our last loss. So I am still sometimes reminded that our baby would be 2 weeks older than her. But instead we have a gorgeous 5 month old boy - that we love more than anything. I have been making little things for our friends little girl because she is super cool, but also to make up for our absence during her first months of life. I just completed this dress for her birthday gift. She is a pretty rough and tumble little thing... So I am not sure how she will like it, but....
I also made a little stuffed birdie for D. for an easter gift. He fell in love with it and chews ravenously on its little head:) Last week, on a walk to the post office, D. set the birdie free. We retraced our steps, but she was off to greener pastures. Last night I finally got around to making a new one. He was so happy this morning. It is soaked through. Eww.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Still alive, kinda...
I don't get sick very often. I save myself for high-drama medical events. But Saturday night I woke up with a terrible sore throat. I hoped it was an allergy, but alas, I spiked a fever about an hour ago and my nose is running like a faucet. I am worried about the boy, worried that I have spread my nasty funk to him. To make matters worse, it has been stupid hot here for days. We're talking well into the 90's... What up global warming!
So DH is upstairs attempting to put the boy down with a bottle of b00by milk. I think it was going well, and them I heard the crib rail fall. Damn thing, when we either of us ever get the hang of it.
Anyhow. I hope he sleeps, because i am just hot, inside and out. And to have his sweaty little body against me is just too much. I need to be well, so I can take care of his cute little butt!
So I did something bad. I started reading this damn book on sleep habits. Ya know, people lived for millions of years with out these little baby guides. But I was a little worried that the boy was not getting enough zzzzz's. His bedtime was getting later and later, and he was waking up later and later, which I hate. So I am holding to it. At least making concerted attempts at 2 solid naps a day. One in the morning, one in the afternoon - and crib only! It seems to be going really well. On the first day his bedtime bumped up to 8pm and wake time to 7am! I am siked. and while everyday will not be perfect, we are making strides.
Did I tell you how much I hate, I dread, I loath the heat? Anything about 70 degrees ad I get pretty cranky. Anything in the 90's and well, you don't want to be near me. It is a constant stream of abscenities and complaints..... Please!!! Make this shitty, swampy-ass, summer-like crap go away!
So DH is upstairs attempting to put the boy down with a bottle of b00by milk. I think it was going well, and them I heard the crib rail fall. Damn thing, when we either of us ever get the hang of it.
Anyhow. I hope he sleeps, because i am just hot, inside and out. And to have his sweaty little body against me is just too much. I need to be well, so I can take care of his cute little butt!
So I did something bad. I started reading this damn book on sleep habits. Ya know, people lived for millions of years with out these little baby guides. But I was a little worried that the boy was not getting enough zzzzz's. His bedtime was getting later and later, and he was waking up later and later, which I hate. So I am holding to it. At least making concerted attempts at 2 solid naps a day. One in the morning, one in the afternoon - and crib only! It seems to be going really well. On the first day his bedtime bumped up to 8pm and wake time to 7am! I am siked. and while everyday will not be perfect, we are making strides.
Did I tell you how much I hate, I dread, I loath the heat? Anything about 70 degrees ad I get pretty cranky. Anything in the 90's and well, you don't want to be near me. It is a constant stream of abscenities and complaints..... Please!!! Make this shitty, swampy-ass, summer-like crap go away!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The plight of the b00b
I love nursing. In fact, the thought of giving it up already makes me a little sad. It is such a special time with my little dood. And I love the slowness of it...
But lately, it is making me exhausted. This week baby D. is feeling pretty mama-centric. I get home either at 5pm or 8pm - and no matter which, he literally wants to nurse from then on till bedtime. It is like literally having the life sucked out of me. I find a few minutes to eat some super, nurse some more and then have to eat again! It has gotten to be a little much.
And to top it off, he takes A LOT of breast milk from the bottle. Today, while I was at work for a mere 5 hours, he consumed 11 ounces of breast milk! I don't even make that much in 5 hours! I think it is just that he eat more from the bottle than the breast. But the thing is that my stock is dwindling. I am not even sure why I am freezing it when it gets thawed a day or two later. And waking up at 5 am to pump is not fun either! I don't want to introduce formula, so if anyone has recommendations for a lady with a piggy for a baby - let me know.
After my 5am pump last night I lay in bed unable to get back to sleep. I started worrying about if I could have another. Will my uterus abide? Will it be misbehavin? Will preventitive measures do the trick? Its too early to really think about it... but....
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Post Baby Body
Recovering from bedrest sucks. This is now the second time that I have thrown out my back since D. was born. It it terribly painful. I can barely walk. The chiropractor helped. At least he stretched me out enough so i could walk on my own. I swore I would never eat another meal in bed...... arg.
As for the remaining commentary on my post-pregnancy bod...
I think the average woman would probably reach through the internet to strangle me for saying this, but... I think I need to loose some weight, er something. I have never been someone who thinks a whole lot about my figure. I suppose that is because I have been pretty fortunate. I am of a medium build. I have been blessed with a flat tummy and a slender waist. I have an average sized chest and a big round booty, both of which I have been quite satisfied with.
I had trouble gaining weight during my pregnancy. But in the last 2-3 weeks I really packed it on. Breast feeding was a god-send, helping to peel the pounds off pretty quick. I don't know if I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But I do know that compared to some I have been really lucky. My boobs are still pretty huge, despite having shrunk a bit since I gave birth.
But I am sick of wearing ill-fitting maternity shirts. I am also sick of wearing the tight shirts that I used to wear. I am comfortable in neither. Shirts are complicated because they have to work for nursing. It's also nice if they don't get stretched out throughout the day on account of being hiked up all of the time. The boobs and the clothing dilemmas they create are managable.
It is the jeans that are driving me nuts. I don't look bigger, but I feel bigger. I suspect my hips widened during pregnancy and that is the culprit. Buying jeans is never fun, but I feel like now when I try things on I am inside of a totally different body. Nothing fits right and nothing looks good. I feel frumpy, dumpy and gross. I wear the same jeans ever day cuz they are the only ones that even look ok. My favorite jeans from last year, while they fit, are really uncomfortable in the hips and waist.
I just feel like I am trapped in a strangers body. And when I look in the mirror I see a "mom" with a mom-body.... and I hate it. I always felt a little frisky and hot before. Not that I had the greatest body, but I was curvy and cute. Now I feel drippy, saggy, stretchy and loose. Yes, I know, exercise! But I hate exercising and have never had to before..... Arg. Poor me, right.
Go ahead.
Try to smack me from the other side of the interweb.
I deserve it.
As for the remaining commentary on my post-pregnancy bod...
I think the average woman would probably reach through the internet to strangle me for saying this, but... I think I need to loose some weight, er something. I have never been someone who thinks a whole lot about my figure. I suppose that is because I have been pretty fortunate. I am of a medium build. I have been blessed with a flat tummy and a slender waist. I have an average sized chest and a big round booty, both of which I have been quite satisfied with.
I had trouble gaining weight during my pregnancy. But in the last 2-3 weeks I really packed it on. Breast feeding was a god-send, helping to peel the pounds off pretty quick. I don't know if I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But I do know that compared to some I have been really lucky. My boobs are still pretty huge, despite having shrunk a bit since I gave birth.
But I am sick of wearing ill-fitting maternity shirts. I am also sick of wearing the tight shirts that I used to wear. I am comfortable in neither. Shirts are complicated because they have to work for nursing. It's also nice if they don't get stretched out throughout the day on account of being hiked up all of the time. The boobs and the clothing dilemmas they create are managable.
It is the jeans that are driving me nuts. I don't look bigger, but I feel bigger. I suspect my hips widened during pregnancy and that is the culprit. Buying jeans is never fun, but I feel like now when I try things on I am inside of a totally different body. Nothing fits right and nothing looks good. I feel frumpy, dumpy and gross. I wear the same jeans ever day cuz they are the only ones that even look ok. My favorite jeans from last year, while they fit, are really uncomfortable in the hips and waist.
I just feel like I am trapped in a strangers body. And when I look in the mirror I see a "mom" with a mom-body.... and I hate it. I always felt a little frisky and hot before. Not that I had the greatest body, but I was curvy and cute. Now I feel drippy, saggy, stretchy and loose. Yes, I know, exercise! But I hate exercising and have never had to before..... Arg. Poor me, right.
Go ahead.
Try to smack me from the other side of the interweb.
I deserve it.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Bligggggity blog
What to do on this very late night
but write on my blog for a bit despite
i am so tired and drained to the bone
cuz the boy has been hanging on my boob since i got home.
the rhythm of this poem has got me down
i decided not to edit even if it makes me frown
it seems best now to mention a few internet friends
some who are triggering and some on the mend
G's ovaries are doing a super job
I am so happy for them I think I might sob.
And Brynn has discovered she loves to nurse
and well, Sara her mom is a nurse!?! (not funny, or rhyming)
And I am happy to say
that I am being so brave
I have bought a ticket on a big ol' airplane
to see my bestest friend
who lives on the the other side of the country.
No drugs to sedate me
cuz i am feeding the boy
i have stopped rhyming all together
cuz i am loosing my mind.
blah blah blah
If you are still reading you are some kind of blogger champ. or just have too much time on your hands. This is where i distract you with pictures of my spawn. Who I love so much that I could just eat him....
but write on my blog for a bit despite
i am so tired and drained to the bone
cuz the boy has been hanging on my boob since i got home.
the rhythm of this poem has got me down
i decided not to edit even if it makes me frown
it seems best now to mention a few internet friends
some who are triggering and some on the mend
G's ovaries are doing a super job
I am so happy for them I think I might sob.
And Brynn has discovered she loves to nurse
and well, Sara her mom is a nurse!?! (not funny, or rhyming)
And I am happy to say
that I am being so brave
I have bought a ticket on a big ol' airplane
to see my bestest friend
who lives on the the other side of the country.
No drugs to sedate me
cuz i am feeding the boy
i have stopped rhyming all together
cuz i am loosing my mind.
blah blah blah
If you are still reading you are some kind of blogger champ. or just have too much time on your hands. This is where i distract you with pictures of my spawn. Who I love so much that I could just eat him....
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