Tuesday, October 7, 2008

"You don't look that pregnant" Ummmmm, F off.

I swear, if one more person tells me how small I am, how petite I am, that they can't believe I am that far along, or that I don't look that pregnant, I am going to scream!

I am a person of average build. As for the women in my family, I am by far the biggest, so perceiving myself as small is impossible. I have had all kinds of trouble with this pregnancy. Bleeding, barfing to the point of dehydration, food aversions, shortened cervix, preterm labor since 20 weeks and YES!!!! trouble gaining wait. Fact is, bedrest is hard. And the last thing I want to do is lay in bed stuffing my pie-hole with high calorie junk food. I already feel like crap. All I really want to eat is things that are fresh and good for me - because I feel shitty enough. That is me, that is my body's reaction to this situation. I have tried every supplement offered. They all give me the runs - which I assure you will do nothing to help me gain more weight.

So there is is. Failure after failure, I finally get pregnant and get far enough along to have a live baby. And all people seem to want to do is remind me of my physical inadequacies by blathering on about how NOT pregnant I look. Well you know what you a-holes.... Freaking keep it to yourself. Fact is, people carry differently. The baby is right on target despite my shrinking bootie. And I don't have the benefit of gravity. I spend my whole day laying down, not walking, sitting at a desk or registering for a baby shower. There is little chance for the effects of gravity to help me along with the stretching. It just is what it is, and my body behaves as it pleases. Do you think I want to be this "tiny?"

Dang... Where did that come from?

All is well otherwise. I made it to my friends wedding on Saturday for a little over an hour and a half before the procardia dose started to make me jittery and short of breath - at which point we took off. It was such a joy to be able to go. I would have been so disappointed to have missed it all together. My girlfriend looked so freaking awesome.

The roomies room was built a few weeks ago, I have just been a slacker about taking pics. But I finally posted a bunch to my flickr, so I'll link em here. It still needs more spackle, trim, windows and paint - but it is there. So that is good.

End update. End rage. I am pregnant. Despite how I look to any number of dillholes. Not only that I am pushing 32 weeks. Whoot, whoot!!

Me at the wedding looking not THAT pregnant.

The roomie's room from the outside.

A video of the roomie freaking out. His new thing.


Meg said...

First off, that video completely freaks me out. I always forget that they can really move you all around in there. The stripes make the video that is for sure.

I am not sure why people think it is okay to comment on the size of a pregnant woman. I am positive if you were huge, you would get an equal amount of comments about that.

While we all want to have an easy pregnancy...we also wouldn't mind if "glowing, huge, healthy and energetic" were in the mix too. For you some of those are not part of this journey. But you have experienced another aspect of carrying a child. Work. You and your little man are working so hard and you have made it so incredibly far.

32 weeks M! 32 weeks!

Susan K said...

Sheesh. Why can't they just say you look great? Cuz you do.

G said...

Didn't your mama teach you that it's not polite to point?

You look great, I am glad the room is about done and you got to go to the wedding.

32 weeks, wow!

heather moore said...

Love the video! And Meredith - you look fabulous! People suck! I love it (insert sarcasm) when I have people tell me how much they'd love to spend this much time doing nothing. That REALLY pisses me off! Asses! I can't believe you're 32w already - awesome job!!

jenn said...

I ~love~ the video. It's totally freaky though- fantastic & great- but freaky!

Yay for 32 weeks! You look perfect, don't listen to A-holes who never learned manners! Since when is it ever appropriate to comment on someones size?

Glad the roomie's room is done! Looking good!

Another Dreamer said...

Nice video :) It is so weird to see them moving like that. But how cool as well!

Glad you got to get out and enjoy yourself at your friend's wedding. And I hope the room keeps coming along nicely.

Did I already say this? Oh well, I'm saying it again if I have... Yay for 32 weeks!

scarredbellybutton said...

I hope I've not offended you when I've said you look tiny, I am pretty sure I've always said you were cute as well :)

You're definitely getting bigger, still cute though. You have that nice taut belly thing going on, which I never got cos I didn't have it to start with ;)

susanna said...

hey sweet m,

First of all, you totally look pregnant, and awesome. Second, for some reason people seem just itching to deny vulnerable pregnant women/new mothers what they want and need to hear. Even other new mothers! They don't tell you you're big and beautiful, and they DON'T say your baby looks like you, even when s/he clearly does!!! And even when you're CLEARLY big and beautiful. Why?? Why?? Right before I had Asher, this new mother said "Oh you're so tiny," in an almost tragic tone. I wanted to bite her head off. I've fought for this, bitch, and you better freaking believe I am six months pregnant.

And holy cow there's something in there!!! Asher never did that, probably because he was stuck behind that huge dysfunctional globular placenta of mine.

xoxx s

sara said...

You look great sweetie - and I will personally come kick the ass of anyone who tells you otherwise or causes my favorite girl added stress. I do love the room as well, everyone has done such a great job getting stuff ready for the Roomie. I'm glad you got a chance to get out to the wedding, you've worked so hard at getting this pregnancy where it is today that you deserve some happy moments out and about :-)

Carolyn said...

My friend, who had infertility issues for many years, just had a baby girl a few weeks ago. She also carried very small all the way to the end of the pregnancy, and ended up having a 7-pound baby! That little baby hid it well! So who knows what your little one is up to in there!

Susan said...

Oh, you look SO pregnant. I had the same problem even after gaining 40 pounds with people telling me "you don't look that pregnant". I would freak out and started eating everything in sight that had made our little one move, just for reassurance. I made myself sick. People are just a-holes. Whatever happened to "wow, you look GREAT"? Try not to let them get to you.

Molly said...

Watching that video made that sensation come running back to me. It feels so freaky, and pretty uncomfortable sometimes!
I carried pretty small too, but you are quite a bit more petite than me. I got comments about it too - I didn't go through anything like you've gone through in this pregnancy though.
And 32 weeks! That's a huge milestone!

nutmeg96 said...

I think you look pregnant and those other peeps should shut the heck up.

That video is crazy!

Anonymous said...

I understand exactly what you are going through. I'm now 32 weeks pregnant and I'm so sick of people saying "oh you're not that big or you don't even look pregnant." I have a friend who is 2 weeks behind me and she was like I don't think you look that big... I'm saying in my head well maybe because you had more stomach than I did before both us became pregnant. And I can't stand when people compare our stomachs to each other. And then at work I know they have got to see a change in me but the dumb asses haven't even had the nerve to say anything. I guess they will know when I'm missing for 8 weeks. I just felt like I needed to vent and I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I feel a little better now!!