I had faculty meeting both monday and tuesday morning. To each of them I was able to drive, then sit and have productive discussions about work! Woooohoooo! Good news, my brain still works! And no contractions detected..
Yesterday morning I decided to push my new found freedom a little further and venture to the grocery store. I only stayed about 15 minutes after having 2 contractions while pushing the cart and picking out produce. Not good. I resigned myself to bed for the rest of the day. Contractions were light, 1-2 and hour. Although I did have one monster of a big one after attempting to sit up for a while. I also had a major loss of appetite yesterday and a return of my old friend nausea. I think I was probably nauseous from having balled half the day away. Yes, I am an emotional wreck.
I saw one of the OB's at my practice this morning and she was by far the best I have met with yet. I like the other OB's but this doc had a very appropriate response to my condition, one that was much more concerned. Her words, "We don't mess around at 22 weeks!" Manual exam showed a closed cervix and I go in next week to talk with my primary OB about a game plan for the following weeks if the contractions continue. This OB recommended staggering manual cervical checks with ultrasound lengths. She also wants me to continue on modified bedrest till we know more. I agree with the sounds of all this and was very happy to hear it. She seemed very, very aware of the relationship of Mullerian Anomalies to Incompetent Cervix and was honestly the first doc I have met who has been willing to confirm that FACT. I would love for her to be my primary OB, but she is about to go on maternity leave herself. Bummer.
She also indicated that there was real chance that i would have to give up teaching the fall semester. But that is something to be discussed and confirmed with my primary OB next week - although DH would already like to make the call and have me home. This has me pretty distraught. Aside from that fact that I actually really enjoy the work I do, we are not in a survivable position on one income. I can defer my student loans, which is a help, but that is just a small portion of what my salary covers. In the end, I know we will be ok, but I feel so defanged. I can't do the laundry, I can't vacuum, I can't cook dinner, I can't do a damn thing. I can't even add my pittance of a salary to the family pot. I am a useless, flabby incubator.
But today, I am still pregnant and one day closer to December 6th. I just wanna get this little boy good and cooked so I can have a lobotomy to remove the memory portion of my brain that is holding the last two years. I want out. I want to be me again. Well, a little different me - mommy me. But I am sure that me will be more fun that miscarriage/pregnancy me. She is a drag.
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3 comments:
I just found your blog today, and wanted to leave a little note of commiseration and encouragement.
I have a six month baby boy, and bicornuate uterus. A high risk pregnancy is stressful, especially when doctors can't agree on whether or not there is a problem, and then how to deal with it! I was super lucky to get referred to a perinatologist right from the start of my pregnancy, but it took some major pushing on my part. I have Kaiser and they at first said that though I have a wonky uterus, there was nothing they can do to help keep things going smoothly... not a good enough answer for me! Anyway, what a relief to see a doctor that actually knew about my condition, and was willing to be proactive about it! We elected against getting the ol' cervix stitched up, but she did have me on weekly progesterone shots, the theory being that women with irregularly shaped uteruses (uteri?) contract more due to lower progesterone levels. Anyway, the shots helped, a lot. I still had to get on procardia after about 25 weeks for intermittent contractions that did nothing but boy, were they scary (not to mention irritating). Even with those, I definitely believe that the progesterone helped ward off preterm labor. DS was born at 39.5 weeks.
Jeesh, I didn't mean for this to become such a novel. I think my point is that you will be fine, and always, always, be your your own (loud) advocate.
I'm so glad you saw a doc that takes you seriously. I'm really glad you seem to be doing pretty well & I'm sorry you have to stay on modified bedrest. Don't you worry about being a flabby incubator, but don't think that's being useless! It will all work out & someday this really will be a fuzzy memory as you get to be mommy m!
Hey there girl - I'm so happy that you had an appointment where they seem to be making some plans with you to address things. I'm majorly sorry about the bedrest and possibility of not working in the fall though. I somehow had a feeling and little voice in my head that they were going to restrict your activity. Hopefully your contractions will settle down soon and you can still take it easy, but do a bit more like cook or laundry, you know? Little things make huge differences it seems like. I get excited if I empty the dishwasher.
But you're not a flabby incubator - but I understand your frustration. My husband had a good job as an engineer, but I was still the breadwinner for us. Not to work, or feel like I am contributing (how you described it also) is heartwrenching, especially at first. The reality that you are doing your most important job ever - growing a child - is hard to grasp as important compared to all the things that are suddenly stripped from you life when you're put on bedrest. So what you are feeling is so completely natural and normal. But it still is a crappy feeling, and I'm so sorry sweetie that somehow you pulled the crap end of the stick. It's really not fair, and I wish there was something more I could do for you. But as always I'm here to listen, and give you a hug along the way :-) Hang tough girl - December or at least November will be here before we know it.
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