Disastrous night

• About 5pm my OB called.
• I gave her the numbers on my cervix. 2.3 and 1.9 when I bear down.
  
• She says, "They didn't tell you to go to the hospital?"
• Nope.
• So we head to the hospital.
• 45 minutes and we get a room. Blood splattered on floor from previous patients.
• I am met by a resident, looks younger than me.
• Hooked up to monitors. Hooked up to fluids.
• I am contracting. Most of the time about 5-10 minute apart.
• Manual exam. She can get one finger in my cervix by refuses to call that 1 cm. Says it is "subjective." Kind of like the difference between getting smacked in the head or punched in the head. Totally subjective, you dumbass.
• Lay there and panic for three hours getting fluid. Fluids fail to stop contractions. (Duh, I said that would do nothing.)
  
• Second check shows no change. I am told I am not in preterm labor. Too late in the game for a cerclage.
• Cervical exam produced a gush of blood and clots. Fuck. Still spotting this morning.
  
• I ask a lot of questions: what about meds to stop the contractions, what about FFN test, what about progesterone injection. Over the course of two weeks my cervix both began to open and shortened. Does this not prove the contractions are "productive" and we should try to stop them?
• Too many questions makes the dumbass resident bring a very, very, very nasty attending to see me. She starts off the conversation with her voice already elevated. Again, I am told without a previous preterm birth they will not treat me preventatively for preterm labor. I respond with, "so your telling me I have to loose this baby in order to get treated on my next pregnancy?" That really brought out the claws. I am an tears. I tell her I am ready to go home. She and the dumbass resident stare at me while I sob. She "apologizes" for not "telling me what I want to hear" over and over. I get mad and sick of being stared at and yell, "Its fine, I want to go home."
• The poor nurse goes over my discharge papers in my room. Doc's don't want to have to see me at the desk. 50% of what the paper says to come back in for is already happening to me. Instructions are useless. I tell her the attending is a witch.
• The attending is at reception when I leave. She won't even look at me.
• They are sending my home in worse shape then when I arrives and with no treatment at all.
• This is a fucking nightmare.

I am going to try to get in at my sisters practice up near my mothers house. They treated her aggressively and preventatively under similar circumstances. I will have to be on bedrest at my mom's to be close to the hospital, but I know I will feel safer.

I don't know how to make this switch other than to plead with them. I hope they will have sympathy.