Sunday, May 18, 2008

My grandmother lived child-free

That doesn't sound right, but it is true. I was never close to either of my biological grandmothers. Instead I was blessed with a truly amazing woman who my mother be-friended during her college years. They attended home-ec classes together and became fast friends. She was considerably older than my mother, the same age as my bio grandparents.

We don't really know why she never had biological children. My mother said that she eluded to physical issues, but she also married late in life. She was in her forties by then, and in that era, fertility treatments did not exist.

But she adopted my mother like her own daughter, and me and my siblings like her own grandchildren. I had a tremendous love for her, and I miss her ever day of the last two year that she has been gone.

On Tuesday I left with my family for the Virginia coast to spread her ashes. It was a beautiful trip and and great way to remember her. My body even managed to behave the entire time so I could enjoy myself.

I wanted to write something more poetic, more meaningful about Jeanette. About how I respected her, and about how full her life was even with out bio children. I wanted to write about how I know she is part of the reason I think of myself as a strong woman. But my brain is mush, and I have moved back to worry territory. So perhaps another time.

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On the way home from Virginia I started having some cramps and twinges. I had been pretty constipated, so I chalked it up to that. The relaxation of finally being home got my bowels working, but has also started with the spotting again. This time, brown only. I am still having lots of twitches and twinges that I hesitate to call cramps, but I may call the doctor tomorrow if the spotting persists. The sensations are fast and sharp - not sustained like menstrual cramps. I would really just like to call me RE and see if she would give me a date with the dil.do-cam - but alas, I have graduated and must become accustomed to my new Dr.'s.

4 comments:

sara said...

Sending some of that sunshine your way M! I'm glad you had a nice trip with your family, it sounds like a beautiful experience. And yes you did describe her in a loving and beautiful way for us to read, don't feel like you didn't :-) But now I'm going to get a little stern, not on you but on that ute of yours. Listen here little ute..you better behave and stop that little show you're doing, spotting, and causing cramps. M has been through enough already and deserves to become part of that urban legend of the "normal pregnant woman." Okay? But until then, sending some hugs instead and if in doubt, give the doc a call. I guess that's why they get paid the big bucks :-)

Hugs

jenn said...

What a wonderful tribute to your grandmother. My own grandma was much older when she had her children- she wasin her frties with my mom & probably had some sort of fertility issue that was of course unknown. She adopted many grandchildren & I am glad that you had your Jeannette. I think regardless of whether you have children or not- there are these women with too much love in them. They find a way to send it out & I'm glad that you all had each other.

Now- I am playing the devil's advocate here- every single pregnant woman I have known says that this time period is full of twinges & cramps & if you didn't know better you would swear your period's on it's way. Definitely call your doc & get an early reassuring peak at the roomie, but I think you really are part of the 'normal pregnancy' club.

also- an aside here- I think the herbs & acupuncture are ~definitely~ working now- nit's pretty obvious when I look at my chart & so exciting! I can't thank you enough for putting me in ouch with her! It really helps me feel like I am ~doing~ somethig while we wait for the $$ for treatments.

Freyja said...

Family is simply who you choose to spend your time with. At least that's what I think.

scarredbellybutton said...

I'm glad the trip went well, it sounds very fitting for a lovely lady.

Here's to an END to all spotting!